The Joy of doing difficult things.
By David Cano
It is 4:15 am and my wife’s alarm goes off. We’re lying in bed, the room is cool and dark, and the bed is warm and comfy. And then she says with a certain enthusiasm, “Gym time”! In the last few weeks, we have made the commitment to going to the gym together on Monday and Wednesday mornings at 4:30 am. We take our coffee to go and drink it during that 10-minute drive to the fitness center. Our work/life schedules have pretty much made that the most feasible and practical option for us in order to go together. Admittedly though, and especially that morning, it was difficult to go when my body just wants to remain in the warm bed and get another hour of sleep. But once we got moving and got to the gym with the caffeine and chemicals doing their part, we felt the joy of doing something that was incredibly healthy and solid. Certain actions that are healthy may seem more difficult upon anticipation. However, once your body and mind act, positive momentum certainly takes over. Doing the hard things in life can seem crappy and unworthy of the price tag asked of our body and our inclinations towards comfort. But that is also why anything that is difficult is worth doing because true and genuine joy lies on the other side of the discomfort and pain. We’ll discuss four things that are incredibly hard to do, especially as we get older and that is change, growth, self-sacrifice, and fighting certain fights when we think we’ve already given enough in life.
Change
An old military buddy once told me years ago that he didn’t believe in change, because he believed in being “consistent” in his behavior towards others. He believed his professional approach towards others, which could be described as acerbic, was not worth improving in the name of consistency. Though we didn’t see eye to eye on many management approaches, I respected him for some of his qualities and abilities and there was certainly a caring person beneath the rough exterior. But I perceived that his excuse towards remaining “consistent”, which is a route that is extremely common in modern society is many times an excuse to not aspire towards improving oneself to be more patient, more considerate, and more attentive and sensitive to the needs of others. Changing for the better is very difficult for two reasons: First, it propels one into uncharted territories where personal vulnerability increases amidst the shift in thinking and behavior. Secondly, it exposes one to criticism and accusations of hypocrisy and instability of thinking, which can also cause distrust from those same people. I’m reminded of the Apostle Paul in the book of Acts. Paul had a major conversion experience and not only ceased persecuting Christians, but he became the most prolific preacher and messenger of Christianity alongside St. Peter. He changed completely. But he also had to endure suspicion and distrust from many of those same Christians that were aware of his role in the persecutions, and on one occasion even resulting in the death of Stephen the Martyr. Those concerns are described in Acts Chapter 9. Paul remained steadfast in his ministry until his sincerity was proven. Change is hard, but it is possible and worthwhile even though there is a price to pay.
Growth
In the 1991 film “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves starring Kevin Costner and Morgan Freeman, there is a scene where Robin is having a fireside chat with Lady Marian in Sherwood Forest. She then asks him, “How is it that a once proud Noblemen can find contentment living amongst commoners in Sherwood Forest”. His reply is fascinating. He says, “I’ve seen Knights panic at the first sight of battle. And I’ve seen the lowliest peasant pull an arrow out of his body to defend a dying horse. Nobility is not a birthright. It is defined by one’s actions”. Robin’s experience surviving the incredibly violent and brutal crusade wars had transformed the worldview of a spoiled and rich noble heir, into a battle seasoned and thoughtful man who knew a wider range of human experience beyond the borders of his Fathers castle and estate. There is the kind of growth that is natural that a young person experiences for the first 18 years of life. However, the kind that happens later in adulthood is much harder as it requires more intentionality and decisiveness. It is possible for a person to stay in their comfort zone for most of their life and not seek growth, conflict, or tension. As a person chooses to grow, learn, and advance forward in their life, they will inevitably experience trial and tribulation. But the sense of joy and satisfaction in pressing forward and transforming your character towards greater heights is well worth the cost involved. One of the most difficult seasons in my life is when I was initiated as a US Navy Chief Petty Officer. The mental and physical stress was intense. But a wise mentor constantly reminded during that process, “If it’s hard, that means you are growing. You are in a good place”. Those words have always resonated throughout the years providing me with great encouragement and reflection.
Self-Sacrifice
One of the most difficult things to do in today’s world is to think of others before ourselves. Social norms, practical circumstances, and environmental factors have led us to believe that we must focus on taking care of number one first and prioritize self-care in order to maximize our positive impact on society. Maintaining self-awareness about our bandwidth and our emotional love tank is certainly reasonable and beneficial. But it is the act of self-sacrifice that can have the most powerful positive impact for others. In John Chapter 15, v 13, Jesus says, “Greater love hath none than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends”. It was Christ’s act of self-sacrifice that provided redemption for all mankind. In military combat, it could be exemplified by a warrior who jumps on a grenade and sacrifices their own life, to save his unit. That person sacrificed their ability to reunite with their wife and children so that others can reunite with theirs. A person can perhaps self-sacrifice their career trajectory by speaking up on someone else’s behalf in the name of conscience and principle, and in the process, lose the favor of a Boss or a promotion opportunity. During the Great Depression parents sometimes went without their portion of a meal to provide more sustenance for their children. Self-sacrifice shows itself in many ways, but the main theme is to deny oneself something for someone else’s benefit. The human soul and mind are deeply wired to experience great satisfaction when we know that we are helping someone in great need at a high cost to ourself. Though there may be pain or discomfort involved, the act of committing selfless acts provides a strong sense of honor, goodness, and self-respect.
The Arena
I have seen countless examples of people who have experienced the wear and tear of life’s battles come to a point where they’ve silently resigned their hopes and dreams. Henry David Thoreau stated, “Most men live lives of quiet desperation”. The world and all its pressures and forces can force a person to conform to a place where they no longer take risks, take a stand, and for the most part, choose a quiet and easy way out to avoid conflict or criticism. That can happen to anyone, and it happens to many people, especially good people who have accomplished a great deal. For many, there comes a point when a person will rest on their laurels, modify their expectations, step off the accelerator, and choose the path of less resistance. But we were meant for more. We are capable of far more. Most people never connect with the power and potential that God gave them. That is why it is important to help one another achieve our full potential. Far too many times, people tear and break each other down instead of lifting each other up with words of encouragement, positive affirmation, and constructive, but specific insights. In Theodore Roosevelt’s Man in the Arena speech, he declares that the credit goes to the man in the arena who, regardless of victory or defeat, still strives to do great things. Trying to do great things can be very hard. Attempting a difficult feat can be a lonely experience especially when others are jealous of your quest for greatness and attempt to marginalize your efforts and accomplishments. But the good news is that if a person stays true to their quest and their goal and never gives up, they eventually attract help and encouragement. People are genuinely attracted to courage and vision and the right people and resources eventually come to the aid of those brave souls who dare to accomplish great things. Doing difficult things hurts and is uncomfortable, but on the other side of those hard-fought battles lies a joy and exuberance that makes it incredibly worth the exertion.